Photo by Ardent Photography.
I have a confession to make: For most of my life, I was afraid to get married.
Actually, it wasn't really marriage that scared me—it was the wedding itself. For years I'd built up the possibility of my own wedding as the biggest event in my life. There were all kinds of things to worry about—the hundreds of people watching me; pressure to not screw up or say the wrong thing; dancing.
My fear was rooted in being the center of attention, a place I've always shied away from. And if there was ever a time when all eyes would be on me, this was it. But being single for the better part of my life allowed me to put these worries on the back burner. We'd just cross that bridge when we got there.
That's why it's amazing for me to sit here and say that not only have I crossed that bridge, but I had a great time doing it. My wedding was a blast, and in the months leading up to it, I expected it to be.
So what changed?
The fear of the unknown was gone. For the longest time, I had no idea who I was going to marry. But once it became clear, there wasn't so much to worry about.
What also helped me was going second—my brother Chris walked down the aisle last October, so we'd just had a family wedding in the bag.
At his rehearsal dinner, my dad said something that affected me. He stood up to thank everyone for coming, and he closed by reminding everyone to let loose and have fun, for this was a party. It was that simple, but I think the notion had escaped me because I was focused more on my role in the wedding party as one of the best men, a first for me.
But he was right—this was a party, and what better way to celebrate than with people we know and love? And it was exactly that concept that made me feel comfortable while looking forward to my wedding.
Having our wedding in Wisconsin was key. I liked that it was on Erin's turf for a few reasons. For one, I knew it would be a little cooler up north in August than most places. Moreover, there was intrigue in having it in the North Country, a place that nobody on my side had really ventured to. August 6th, 2011 in Wisconsin felt right. Plus, we made sure the date didn't interfere with football season, so we were guaranteed a good turnout from at least her side of the family. (Remember, this is Packerland we're talking about.)
It wasn't until we met with the key wedding coordinators in April that I started to get excited about the celebration, because it all became a lot easier to envision. Everything was conveniently located at Fox Hills Resort, a place with a golf course that was both nice and comfortable. Our photographer was dynamite. The priest was a super-warm guy with a booming voice and a thick Wisconsin accent. We booked an Irish band for the ceremony, and they agreed to play my favorite musical piece from Lost. For our reception, we got the DJ to play entrance music from Tron: Legacy and Kill Bill. And they would bring in one of my favorite beers, Smithwick's, for the reception. Erin did the majority of the wedding planning, but it felt good to make some of the celebration my own.
The life-changing appointment didn't start to feel real to me until the last month or so leading up to the wedding. You just spend so much time planning it that you forget it's actually going to happen. In the days before, a lot of people asked me if I was nervous. I wasn't—I was just looking forward to finally having the experience that we'd been edging closer to for the better part of a year. And so when it finally happened, I really just tried to enjoy the process—the rehearsal dinner, the ceremony, the pictures—because as everyone knows, it all flies by fast.
There were two immediate changes I noticed that marriage brought. The first was getting used to calling Erin my wife instead of my fiancée. I still call her "Girlfriend", though—"wife" makes her sound old!
The second was wearing a ring. As a guy who doesn't even like the feel of a watch or necklace on my skin, it was oddly surreal waking up the next morning to see this silver foreign object on my finger, and what it signified. Powerful stuff.
***
As a postscript, I wanted to include the song list that I painstakingly assembled for our rehearsal dinner. I know I spent way too much time on it, but hey, music is a huge part of my life. After countless hours of combing through hundreds of CDs and thousands of mp3s, I'd be remiss if I didn't give a nod to my efforts here.Disc 1
- Foreigner - Feels Like The First Time
- George Harrison - What Is Life
- Rod Stewart - Day After Day
- Eddie Money - Two Tickets To Paradise
- Ingram Hill - Solsbury Hill
- Heart - Straight On
- Bob Seger - Night Moves
- Dire Straits - Walk Of Life [Live]
- Blue Öyster Cult - In Thee
- Blue Rodeo - Hasn't Hit Me Yet
- David Byrne & Brian Eno - Life Is Long
- Brett Walker - Everything I Want To Do
- Jars Of Clay - Show You Love
- Coldplay - Lovers In Japan
- Steve Winwood - Back In The High Life Again
- The Elms - Come To Me
- Train - I Wish You Would
- The Traveling Wilburys - Handle With Care
- The National - So Far Around The Bend
- Coldplay - Life In Technicolor ii
- John Mellencamp - I Need A Lover
- Barenaked Ladies - Falling For The First Time
- The Corrs - Toss The Feathers
- Chris Isaak - Cool Love
- Ray LaMontagne - Hold You In My Arms
- Feel - Under The Radar
- Guster - Ramona
- Jewel - Two Become One [Country Version]
- Jimmy Buffett - Brown Eyed Girl
- John Lennon - Stand By Me
- The Monkees - I'm A Believer
- Mick Jagger - Joy
- Ray LaMontagne - Three More Days
- David Gray - Real Love
- Cyndi Lauper & Sarah McLachlan - Time After Time
- The Verve - One Day
- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - Angel Dream No. 4
- Wilco - You And I
- Elton John - Look Ma, No Hands
- The BoDeans - Good Things
- The Rolling Stones - Love Is Strong
- Roy Orbison - You Got It
- Jimmy Page & Robert Plant - Thank You [Unledded]
- Counting Crows - Sullivan Street [Live]
- The Corrs - Joy Of Life/Trout In The Bath [Live]
- Five For Fighting - Something About You
- Tonic - Waltz With Me
- Fleetwood Mac - Bleed To Love Her [Live]
- Peter Frampton - Something's Happening
- Howie Day - Undressed
- The Lemonheads - Into Your Arms
- Tom Petty - You And Me
- R.E.M. - Strange Currencies
- Tonic - Jump Jimmy (Stronger Than Mine)
- John Mellencamp - Lonely Ol' Night
- Crowded House - Something So Strong
- The Beach Boys - God Only Knows
- Tom Petty - House In The Woods
- Elton John - Someone Saved My Life Tonight
2 comments:
Loved reading this!! Great to hear a good friends confidence about the path I am about to undertake!! Hope all is well for you and your lovely!! Keep blogging!!
That's not silver on your finger, that's white gold!
Post a Comment