Monday, January 17, 2011

Celebrity Sighting #9

Rachel Dratch isn't the only celebrity who rides the subway.

After the 4 train pulled into Grand Central on the Friday morning commute, I almost didn't see him. But I couldn't miss that brilliant white ponytail just a few feet to my right.

In a second I was pretty sure it was Joel Godard, the former announcer for Late Night with Conan O'Brien. And in the next, I could hear it was him.

"Getting off... Getting off" boomed the unmistakable radio voice as he pushed his way through the middle of the train before the doors closed on him.

Gotta admit: Would have loved to see the rage in the old man had he not made it out in time.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Conspiracy theorists blame shadow government for return of ABC's 'V'

By Ken Devine

Blasted by critics and despised by television viewers everywhere, only one possible explanation exists for the return of ABC's lame alien-invasion series, V: its importance in disclosure, a clandestinely coordinated effort planned for decades by top-secret government officials to eventually reveal the truth about extraterrestrials to humanity.

That's according to Edward Tussel, spokesperson of the Disclosure Project.

"The concept of disclosure is nothing new," he said. "But the government's desperation has gotten to the point of ensuring that a cheesy B-grade serial with cheap special effects and throwaway characters stays on the air, even though it has no business doing so."

The second-season premiere of V was met by a tough crowd on Tuesday night. Despite heavy promotions by ABC, the episode averaged only a 2.20 rating—60% lower than the series debut last year.

Tussel emphasized the peculiarity of V's renewal in contrast with ABC's cancellation of another flawed 2009 serial, FlashForward, which performed only slightly worse in the ratings but was actually halfway decent.

"At least we could rely on FlashForward for repeated laughs from Joe Fiennes' overacting and his character’s inevitable relapse into alcoholism that ruined his marriage," he said. "Better yet was his hilarious revelation about why his flash-forward was blurry.

"You listening? Check this out, I've got it down..."



Once his laughter subsided, Tussel sat back down and sighed.

"But, FlashForward's not coming back."

Robert Covell from the Mutual UFO Network said that the agenda behind NBC's The Event is even more transparent than V, considering that the pilot centers around a black president wanting to announce the truth about aliens to the American people.

"Like humanity, these TV shows are by no means alone," he said, citing just a few recent movies like Skyline, and Megamind, and District 9, and The Fourth Kind. And Race to Witch Mountain, and Cloverfield, and The Day the Earth Stood Still.

But that's far from all. At least five upcoming films that center around the human-alien conflict are also in production: Battle: Los Angeles, Super 8, Cowboys & Aliens, Men in Black III, and Under the Skin.

"Aliens are in vogue these days," he said. "Whoever's funding these projects really wants to prepare us for some huge, intergalactic space battle that may usher in the apocalypse."

"But what if the aliens that eventually come are actually peaceful?" he pondered.

Covell also noted that TNT is getting into the mix with Falling Skies, an upcoming miniseries about—you guessed it—an alien invasion. Steven Spielberg is executive producer.

Covell questions the motives of the legendary director simply because of his otherworldly track record, which suspiciously includes E.T., Men in Black, A.I. Artificial Intelligence, War of the Worlds, Super 8, and Cowboys & Aliens.

Covell even went as far as to say that Spielberg himself is probably an alien.

"Or at least a hybrid of some sort," he clarified. "Man, that would make a great movie."

ABC, NBC, TNT, and especially Spielberg all declined to comment on this story.