By Ken Devine
WASHINGTON—Thousands of Lost fanatics staged a historic rally outside the White House this weekend, protesting the potential February 2nd date of President Obama's State of the Union address that would conflict with the über-anticipated premiere of Lost's sixth and final season.
Fueled by Internet speculation and ambiguous White House press briefings, Lost fans began arriving in droves early Friday morning after the topic of the February 2nd broadcast date reached a boiling point. Protesters from far and wide congregated quickly outside the front gates of White House and let their voices be heard with galvanizing chants ranging from "The Island wants you" to the increasingly threatening "We'll go Eko on your ass."
Other geeky expressions like "State of the Union = Bad Dharma" were seen on placards.
"I'm curious to hear what President Obama has to say about the serious issues facing our nation" said Lost devotee Andrew Stephenson of Philadelphia. "But honestly, the world has been dying to see this premiere for almost eight months now. We'll finally get to find out what happened when Juliet detonated the H-bomb."
"Obama's just going to have to wait," he concluded.
White House sources have indicated that as a result of the protest's size and intensity, President Obama is likely to push back his crucial speech for at least another week, and will broadcast his decision to the nation in the coming days.
"With the recent airline security failures and the latest job-loss report, the last thing Obama needs is a rabid contingent of Losties fans at his throat," said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. "There was a massive backlash a few years ago when 24 was pre-empted by a national address from President Bush, and his ratings never recovered."
According to Gibbs, the State of the Union was originally planned for January 26th, but was nixed once they discovered that it coincided with the premiere of the ninth season of American Idol.
"At this point it's looking like Obama's going to have to speak on a Sunday or Monday night when Chuck or The Bachelor is normally on," Gibbs said. "No one watches those shows anyway."
An ABC spokesperson reported that the network was pleased with the president's decision to put critical communication with the American people on the backburner for at least another week.
"The excitement for this premiere has built to an unprecedented, all-time fever pitch," she said, "and I can't imagine that anyone in America will actually be interested in what the president has to say about his dubious healthcare plan or the failing wars in the Middle East when they know they could be watching Lost."
White House intern Benjamin Holllingsworth, who said that he pointed out the bad timing to the administration months ago, admitted that he's not surprised by the president's decision to delay the address, and that Obama himself is rumored to be a fan of the epic serial drama.
"Well, he was born in Hawaii, so there's an obvious connection there," the 22-year-old staffer pointed out. "But he has this weird thing with lottery numbers—religiously playing 4 8 15 16 23 42 in the Pick 6."
"And he's not available most Wednesday nights."
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